Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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