After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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