I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
