His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I booty called her while she was in labor.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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