he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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