Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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