She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
