She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
