I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
