just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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