I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
