she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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