Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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