You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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