i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
