when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
