Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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