So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
there is puke in my bra ... again
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
