If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
