We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
