careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
