Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
