I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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