Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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