Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Also, beer. Big fan.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
