Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I've blown a few things in my day
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
