You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
