worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
