epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
