when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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