I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
