i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
