yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
