You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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