I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
