I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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