I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You are the jesus of drinking
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
