Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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