craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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