if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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