420 ftw
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
