I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
