I must be too annoying 4 u.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
