$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
