your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
