oh god the rape fog is back!
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
