yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
