I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Randomize
