Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
