she looked like the before picture.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
