Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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